The little reminders!
So after the whole Cancer episode I thought I would just forget about it and move on, I was back at work after a few weeks and didn’t have to have chemo so in my mind once I had got the operations out the way everything would go back to normal! Turns out that’s not the case!!
It is a bit strange because at the time I was having all the tests, surgery etc I didn’t once freak out or get upset. Yet over a year later I find myself getting stressed and upset for stupid reasons! The first thing is the paranoia, I get the slightest headache and I think it’s a brain tumour, I have a tiny new mole at the moment that I’m convincing myself is cancer! It’s not a healthy way to live but after the shock that I had breast cancer I now start looking for something wrong with me and am constantly paranoid!
The next thing is my back, when I had my surgery they removed the muscle from my back to do a breast reconstruction. This must have caused some nerve damage that the surgeons say could be permanent. If anyone hugs me or taps my back I get shooting pains resembling electric shocks! I never say anything when this happens as I don’t like to make a fuss but it’s really painful! I was on the treadmill the other day and only walking at a slow pace and my back felt so strange, it like tightened up and was really painful! I am hoping this will go over time but it’s been over a year and it hasn’t!
I have booked us a holiday to Oludeniz in Turkey for July. I am so excited! It’s our first holiday abroad since my operation and will be my first time wearing swimwear! This has turned out to be another massive drama, it must sound like I’m being a proper moaning Minnie but all these little trivial things never used to be an issue but suddenly are! So far unless I wear a wetsuit I can’t find one bikini that flatters my over inflated wonky boobs! My husband keeps saying there will be way worse looking people on holiday so stop stressing but every girl wants to look good in a bikini and for me it’s not actually happening at the moment! Either way it will be a fantastic family holiday wonky boobs or not! The hotel looks great and the sea is bright blue and really clear. It’s really exciting!
Anyway enough winging from me, I always tell myself there are far more people out there worse off than me so smile and get on with it as it always could be worse!