Through My Eyes

Some people say I talk too much, that I always have a story to tell. I don't know what's round the corner so my blog is about life through my eyes and making every day count.

Archive for the month “June, 2015”

A bad week

Any parent knows that one of the worst things in the world is when your child is poorly. There’s nothing worse than seeing your child in pain or not feeling well and knowing there’s not s huge amount you can do about it. 

Megan is now 11 years old and suffers from Asthma on a severe level. It started when she was just a baby and developed a cough that turned into breathing difficulties and a hospital visit. This was repeated twice a year until she was 5 and Asthma was diagnosed. Since then we have at least 2 hospital visits a year some which result in a week in intensive care on machines recovering. 

The thing about Megan’s Asthma Is that when she is well she is as healthy as the average child. Megan is very sporty and plays on the school Football team, Netball team, plays cricket and rugby and is on the Athletics and cross country team. Not to mention karting! I am so proud of Megan, at any point she could have a serious Asthma attack but doesn’t let that stop her doing anything. 

The thing with Asthma is that an attack can happen at any time, and last week out the blue it did. Tuesday morning Megan woke up and couldn’t breath. An hour later we were in hospital on nebulisers which then turned into spending the week there as her lung function was that low she couldn’t go without oxygen and constant nebulisers. The doctors told me if she didn’t improve we would be going round to the HDU to try and get her lungs working better. 

As a mum it’s the scariest thing in the world to know that your child’s lungs aren’t working of functioning very well. It’s hearbreaking to see her there struggling to breath and relying on the oxygen and trying not to panic as she struggles for breath! 

So a week in hospital then home to recover, not the best week ever but something we are quite used to. I sometimes sit and think what if… What If we are not there next time, what if school don’t recognise the signs, what if there’s nobody to help her next time, what if it’s worse next time? I have to put it to the back of my mind because I will just sit and worry and get in a right state over the reality of it. 

Megan has told me no matter how bad her asthma gets she won’t let it stop her doing her sports. Most kids these days are sat in front of the TV eating junk food so I’m so proud of Megan’s attitude. 

So next weekend back to Rowrah karting. Megan has begged all week so thought we would give it a go, she seems back to full health now, until next time!  

   

Band Aid, charitable or a complete con?

This post was written at Christmas and I have just logged on to my word press to see that for some reason it has not posted.  I was going to delete it but then thought actually I will just post it!! 

Charity work and helping others is something I am massively keen on which is one of the reasons I feel so strongly about and am very opinionated on the subject of charity.

so Band Aid…. Some look at all the celebrities singing and think it’s great, pick up the phone and donate. I am quite the opposit and refuse to waste my money on band aid. There is so much wrong with that song!

my first point is that every year we raise millions of pounds for Africa through Band aid and comic relief yet the problem never improves. We get told every year that thousands of people in Africa are dying yet the millions of pounds we raise makes no difference! Maybe the reason is because Instead of helping Africans the money is being invested in unethical companies such as firearms, tobacco, alcohol! Not to mention the money that the executives of these charities get to fund their lavish lifestyles and sports cars!

The next point is that Bob Geldof is worth a reported 30 million yet he thinks it’s acceptable to ask members of the public to “give us your fucking money” and thinks it’s ok to tell people to buy the single even if they don’t like it! If people had spare money to donate to a charity they should be able to pick a charity themselves and donate that way rather than being told to download a song they don’t even like!!

While watching all the celebrities singing the and aid song I wondered how much money all the people in that room were worth! Each celebrity is massively successful and if everyone of them just donated a months wage then Africa would be massively better off…. Or not as the case may be as the money probably doesn’t reach anyone in Africa! The celebrities wouldn’t do that anyway seeming as the reason they take part in band aid is not to help anyone but just to raise their own public profile!!

Has anyone actually listened to the words of the song because I actually find it borderline offensive! To give you an example…..

Do they know its christmas? Of course they know it’s christmas and its quite patronising to think otherwise. I have been to Western Africa at Christmas and visited the poverty stricken areas and despite the conditions and low quality of life the people still managed to come together in their communities and be festive at Christmas. There is one line saying there is death in every tear? And there’s no peace and joy in Africa? Whoever wrote these lyrics has clearly never been to Africa! Yes the Ebola crisis exists and is awful but as is aids, cancer, poverty in England, child abuse and many more awful things in the world none of which we try and fundraise for by singing a song slating the whole country!!

The little reminders!

So after the whole Cancer episode I thought I would just forget about it and move on, I was back at work after a few weeks and didn’t have to have chemo so in my mind once I had got the operations out the way everything would go back to normal! Turns out that’s not the case!!
It is a bit strange because at the time I was having all the tests, surgery etc I didn’t once freak out or get upset. Yet over a year later I find myself getting stressed and upset for stupid reasons! The first thing is the paranoia, I get the slightest headache and I think it’s a brain tumour, I have a tiny new mole at the moment that I’m convincing myself is cancer! It’s not a healthy way to live but after the shock that I had breast cancer I now start looking for something wrong with me and am constantly paranoid! 

The next thing is my back, when I had my surgery they removed the muscle from my back to do a breast reconstruction. This must have caused some nerve damage that the surgeons say could be permanent. If anyone hugs me or taps my back I get shooting pains resembling electric shocks! I never say anything when this happens as I don’t like to make a fuss but it’s really painful! I was on the treadmill the other day and only walking at a slow pace and my back felt so strange, it like tightened up and was really painful! I am hoping this will go over time but it’s been over a year and it hasn’t! 

I have booked us a holiday to Oludeniz in Turkey for July. I am so excited! It’s our first holiday abroad since my operation and will be my first time wearing swimwear! This has turned out to be another massive drama, it must sound like I’m being a proper moaning Minnie but all these little trivial things never used to be an issue but suddenly are! So far unless I wear a wetsuit I can’t find one bikini that flatters my over inflated wonky boobs! My husband keeps saying there will be way worse looking people on holiday so stop stressing but every girl wants to look good in a bikini and for me it’s not actually happening at the moment!  Either way it will be a fantastic family holiday wonky boobs or not! The hotel looks great and the sea is bright blue and really clear. It’s really exciting! 

Anyway enough winging from me, I always tell myself there are far more people out there worse off than me so smile and get on with it as it always could be worse! 

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