Through My Eyes

Some people say I talk too much, that I always have a story to tell. I don't know what's round the corner so my blog is about life through my eyes and making every day count.

Shopping – I used to enjoy it!

One of the main things I love to do is Shop! I’m no millionaire with money to burn but I work hard vas like to treat myself every now and again!!
Since my operation we decided to get a new bed, out old one wasn’t very comfortable and comfort is important after a big operation!
The bed arrived yesterday to my delight! It has a lot of storage underneath which I took it upon myself to store all my shoes! At the same time I decided it was maybe time to chuck out a lot of pairs and get some new ones!!

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So after sorting shoes my mum picked me up and we drove to Newcastle for shopping, something I normally love!
When we arrived it was so busy but normally I don’t mind so we excitedly entered the Shopping Centre. Within about half an hour I felt so hot, not just warm but hot! A downside to the Tamoxifen tablets! After taking off 2 layers I felt much better and carried on shopping.
Normally I can just look at a dress or top and know it will fit and won’t even need to try it on! Since my operation I don’t have as much confidence and not only that don’t know what looks good and doesn’t.
It seemed every dress I tried Looked hideous and every top I tried on just reminded me of the operation iv had done and had me worrying if you can tell!
In the end I couldn’t even be bothered, I was so hot and stressed I just wanted to go home. My bags were heavy but not with nice shopping but just the layers iv taken off and have to carry!
I stopped by John Lewis and decided it was time to buy a better bra, it’s only early days so I can’t have underwire yet but wanted something a bit more attractive than the sports bras iv been wearing!
After the lady measured me she brought me a selection of bras to try and to be honest the whole thing just made me more stressed. I think it was a wake up call as to what iv had done. I realised I can’t put a nice bra on anymore and feel sexy and want to show it off, now it’s just a case of trying to cover the scars and marks rather than show off what iv had done.
My mum kept asking what was wrong so it must have been obvious I wasn’t happy but I just smiled and said nothing. In the end I just bought The bra to keep the woman happy even though it was Calvin Klein and cost a fortune!
In the car on the way home I just felt deflated, i had spent a good afternoon in a hot sweat surrounded my manic Christmas shoppers vas only come away with an expensive Bra I didn’t really want!

I think the whole experience is just another example of how my life has changed, gone are the days I swanned round a shop picking up items of clothing I know will look good, now I don’t know what will look good and have to try everything on, something that isn’t fun at Christmas time while suffering side effects of Tamoxifen!

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