Through My Eyes

Some people say I talk too much, that I always have a story to tell. I don't know what's round the corner so my blog is about life through my eyes and making every day count.

Archive for the month “December, 2013”

The true meaning of Christmas


While looking on Facebook today I saw some pictures of a friends child’s Christmas nativity… I say nativity but I don’t think you could call it that. For a start Jesus was a black baby, now I’m not racist at all and if Jesus had been coloured in the bible then great but he wasn’t so why change such an important factor of the play just to be politically correct or not offend anyone !
The second thing is that my friends daughter wasn’t an angel, or Mary, no this little girl was starring in the nativity play as…..Miley Cirus!!
It made me think about Christmas and that all these ridiculous PC people have completely lost sight of what Christmas is about.

When I grew up Christmas was amazing. We loved everything from decorating the tree to carol singing in our village. We would take a bucket and collect money for the church and go round houses singing carols! Nobody does that anymore, it’s probably not safe to but it’s a big shame. We would always have a party at my grans in the run up to Christmas. She had a large house with a massive hall so the tree was about 8ft high and she would invite the choir round to sing carols round the tree and have mulled wine and mince pies. It sounds so cheesy but was so Christmassy!
Then on Christmas Day all the family would go to my Granny’s and have lunch and then sit round the log fire playing games like pictionary, monopoly etc, sounds cheesy but when there’s about 15 family members of all ages sat round playing stupid games it’s good fun.
Those are the happiest memories I have of Christmas and strangely enough I don’t remember what presents I got or that being a main factor in my excitement. Of course I was excited for Santa and left out the carrots for the reindeers but it was never what made Christmas. I just remember everyone being really happy and I loved that!

So let’s zoom forward 20 years…. Christmas seems to start in September now which is ridiculous, Nativity plays are no longer nativity in case we offend all the immigrants and all Christmas is about is the latest toys the kids have to have! I am not a very religious person but I think it’s important to remember what Christmas is about and the story of Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
I went to my daughters carol service at church yesterday and loved it. They sang traditional carols to the point I felt so Christmassy and nearly started crying half way through Silent night which is my favourite carol! A bit embarrassing but I get over emotional!

We have to remember though Christmas isn’t a happy time for everyone and I find that really sad. I want to wave a magic wand and make Christmas perfect for everyone, I want to make people’s dreams come true so they can enjoy Christmas like I do. The thought of someone being sad and Lonely on Christmas Day breaks may heart.
For a lot of people Christmas just reminds them of loved ones they have lost and it can be quite a Lonley time.
Then there’s the financial hardship a lot of families suffer at this time of year. There is so much pressure to buy the latest toys for the kids or to be generous with presents. It’s a shame that it’s like that because I would rather a big family Christmas with very few presents than an extravagant expensive Christmas overshadowed by the worry of debt and hardship.

One year we went to Africa for Christmas, not very traditional but something a bit different. Because of the cost of this holiday we didn’t get many presents for each other that year but it didn’t matter as we were on holiday together appreciating life… On a beach!
One thing we did do in Africa was buy hundreds of pencils, colouring books, balloons and cheap toys and took them to an area of poverty and handed them to the kids. It was the most emotional amazing thing iv ever done! None of these kids had decent clothes, toys or anything, they lived off rice and beans and didn’t get presents. To see their little faces light up at a balloon or pack of pencils was amazing and to me summed up Christmas perfectly, giving to others and spreading happiness, cheesy yes but it’s what we did!



Anyway this post has gone on far far too long so will wrap it up. I will say though that whatever Christmas means to you I hope it’s a happy time not a sad time and something to look forward to not dread.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New year



Cadwell 2011, A day I will never ever forget

Warning…. This is going to be a long post!!
There is no real reason for me to blog about this day other than it’s what I am sat here thinking about right now! Blogging is different for everyone but for me I will be sat thinking about things and putting it down in a blog is the stop point from when I go from thinking about it to actually getting upset! It’s quite therapeutic!
Anyway so brace yourself this could be a long blog!
British Superbikes 2011, a year I will never forget for many reasons. I was with a team called Gearlink Kawasaki and their main rider Ben Wilson was leading the Supersport championship. This was a massive thing to be involved in for me and the reason I started brollying in the first place, to be part of a team, seeing what goes on behind the scenes and involved in all the action! It was like all my dreams had been answered being part of Gearlink, they had a top running rider so that meant being at the front of the grid seeing how much the championship meant to these guys. Not only that but the amazing team owners made me feel part of the family, included me in everything, treated me as a person not just a pretty face there to stand on the grid. It had to be my best year in racing.

One of the main highlights of this year was meeting an amazing person called Benjamin Gautrey, Ben raced for a team called MWR Kawasaki who at the time were also part of the Gearlink team so I got to do the grid for them as well. The first time I met Ben his smile made me melt, it was a wonderful smile and I thought aww this boy is so cute! I say Boy as he was only 18 at the time and such a little charmer, he loved all the grid girls and used to call me the angel of the north as I was northern!

Cadwell superbikes is my favourite circuit and one I look forward to every year. This year I brought my husband and daughter with me racing and even though I was still doing the grid I also wanted to spend time with them. Megan was only 7 at the time so loved having her picture taken with the riders, and Ben Gautrey was the only one she loved, she met a lot of famous riders that weekend yet for some reason kept asking when Ben was racing so she could cheer him on, he had that effect on people!
On race day I got asked to do the grid for Ben. I said no, a decision I have lived to regret ever since.
This was because the way the pits were you had to cross the track to get to the pit lane which meant stuck down in the pit lane for long periods of time. I was already doing the grid for the Supersport race so decided to spend more time with Justin and Megan and watch the race from the top of the hill with them.
What happened next I will never ever forget, second by second, from the point we saw the crash to the point we saw it was Ben and knew it was bad. I knew I had to be with the team and find out what was going on so as soon as I could I got across the track to the pit Lane to find our what was going on.
As time past I sat and waited patiently away from the medical centre and then after what felt like ages I saw my friend Gill walking away from the medical centre and I knew what had happened. I took myself into the toilet in the little building and cried my eyes out, I had to hide as there were lots of tv cameras and people outside that didn’t know the severity of the crash and I knew I had to keep it to myself and act calm.
The worst bit was that I had to go on the grid for the Supersport race knowing what I knew, only a handful of people knew at that point and I wasn’t meant to be one of them. I borrowed some sunglasses to hide my eyes and on I went. It was just typical on this occasion Eurosport decided to interview the rider and the camera was right in my face. I just kept thinking don’t cry for gods sake!
I got text messages after from loads of people saying they saw me on tv and I looked really miserable! Course they didn’t know why.
After the race it was announced that Benjamin Gautrey had lost his life in the crash, aged just 18 years old.

A lot of people stayed around upset, comforting each other but I just ran, I didn’t say good bye to anyone, I just got in the car and went home in silence, crying most of the journey to myself. It took me a long time before I could watch the race back on the tv and found it very upsetting. Not just because it was a reminder of that day but because while a lot of the live feed was going on the cameras constantly caught myself and my friend Karla in the background and we knew how we felt at that time and how worried we were. I watched it once and relived it once then deleted it. Whether deleting it was the right thing to do I don’t know but I just couldn’t have it sat on my sky plus box as a constant reminder of that awful day.
I only knew Ben a short amount of time but I can honestly say he has changed my life forever. Ben was an elite sportsman and was top at everything he did, he played football, cricket, swam, did gymnastics, cycling, bike racing and more. He taught me to never give up, that if you work hard you can achieve your dreams and the sky is the limit. He was a truly amazing person. Ben even had a huge effect on my daughter and she only met him once. From meeting Ben Megan isn’t interested in hanging out with her friends in town and what’s to spend every second of her spare time doing something productive from karting to running, horse riding, cheerleading and Allsorts! She says she wants to be like Ben and the best in everything she puts her mind to, I am very proud of how sporty she has become so thanks Ben.
Heaven truly has gained an angel.

Through knowing Ben I then met his family who are equally just as inspirational. They have set up a charity called the Benjamin Gautrey Foundation and have raised thousands of pounds to help young people like Ben achieve their dreams. They have paid for sports kits for local sports associations, helped young bike racers with their safety equipment needed to race and even set up a race academy to help young riders improve their skills on the track.

Since this day I have also done a lot of fundraising for them, I have organised a couple of big charity band nights and even jumped out of a plane! I think I have raised about £5000 in total and plan to continue doing so. If something so positive can come out of something so awful then that’s got to be a good thing.

I know a lot of people don’t believe in angels and I don’t know what I believe but I truly think that Ben is looking down proud on everything his family have achieved in his name. I always say hello to him when I return to Cadwell where he lost his life doing something he loved and living the dream.

Benjamin Gautrey 1992 -2011 #25




Is Gullible the same as stupid?

While watching Celebrity Juice with Joey Essex my husband and I were laughing at how little he knew about stuff in general, he didn’t know where Danish Bacon came from, What country borders Wales, the name of Jesus’s mother! Now while I was laughing thinking what an idiot I then began to think of all the things I have said that could be classed as thick, stupid, dumb etc etc.
Now I don’t see myself as thick or stupid, I work hard at everything I do and succeed yet I surprise myself every now and again with the comments I come out with. Some could be classed as stupid perhaps but a lot are due to me being a little bit (or a lot) gullible! People can tell me things and sound serious enough so I will believe them!
People say to me I could write a book with all my comments! So Here are a few, is it just stupidness? Gullibility? Just plain dumb or a bit of all the above?!

1) while visiting Anglesey race circuit right by the sea which contains 2 big wind turbines I say ” I’m sick of it being windy, I wish they would turn those stupid Fans off!”

2) “Do they have to close the motorway to change the bulbs in the cats eyes”

3) After seeing a flash range rover with Kahn written on the back I got very excited that Amir Kahn must own it & insisted my husband followed him to see where he was going! My husband obviously made me aware of my mistake!!

4) Walking round Osmotherley Reservoir I had my head facing the sky the whole time trying to spot the apparent Honey Bears my husband said lived in the trees!!

5) Blubberhouses Reservoir in Lancashire is named that due to all the whales in the reservoir…. Or so my husband told me!

6) Oh great it’s raining and it’s that annoying rain that gets you wet!!

7) while arguing with my husband – “stop picking at hairs” he told me the term is stop splitting hairs, still not sure what it means!!

8) We can’t put the new tumble dryer in the conservatory as it won’t have access to the water pipes!

9) What trains have Wheels? I thought they were like Scalelectrix cars on a runner thing, iv never seen a train with wheels!!

10) Are Charlie chaplain and Hitler the same person?

That’s just a few things on a long list of things iv either said or believed to be true! But I don’t see myself as thick, then again I suppose Joey Essex doesn’t either and he doesn’t know how many sides a square has!! I think it’s fair to say I wouldn’t be the ideal candidate for the pub quiz team! I find I am always the person who doesn’t get jokes, well not straight away but maybe a few hours later the penny drops and I suddenly get the joke and laugh out loud when it’s not actually funny anymore!! Or sometimes I just laugh even though I don’t get the joke!
I would like to think while I’m sat laughing at Joey Essex people are not doing the same thing every time I open my mouth without thinking first!!

Paul Walker – Died doing what he loved

I woke up Sunday morning to the news that Movie star Paul Walker had been killed in a high speed crash as as passenger in a Porsche GT. Then I looked at the articles on the Internet I was faced with horrific pictures of a crash scene and a mangled car completely burnt out. Very shocking scenes.
One of the first things I thought was a great feel of sadness followed by the irony that Paul was Famous for the Fast and Furious films performing dangerous driving stunts and driving at speed and then this is how he came to the end of his life. My second thought was that I hoped the impact killed him instantly as being trapped in a car on fire doesn’t bear thinking about at all.
It’s quite strange how the mind, and people think, and work. People die every day in car accidents and 9 people died the night before when a police helicopter crashed into a pub but Social networking sites were full of tributes to Paul Walker. He wasn’t actually the only one in the car either, Racing car Driver Roger Rodas was the driver yet his name doesn’t really get a mention either. I am not criticising this really as if I am honest all I could think about was sadness for Paul Walker but I think it’s interesting how because he was a well known celebrity it’s almost like we knew him and mourn for him more than any of the just as tragic deaths over the past few days.
That aside though it is very sad to be taken so suddenly at just 40 years old leaving all his friends and a 15 year old daughter behind. It makes you really think about life when something unexpected like that happens. He was a healthy man living life to the full and then out the blue suddenly he has gone.
Nobody knows what’s round the corner and I don’t think people should assume they will live till their old as you just don’t know.
Obviously I don’t mean walk around thinking your a ticking time bomb but at the same time if you have a dream, an ambition or a plan then don’t leave it, if you have family or friends you don’t speak to or people you don’t see as
Much as you would like then now is the time to do it, you just never know when it’s going to be too late.
I saw a statement online that Paul Walker said once – “If one day the speed kills me then do not cry as I was smiling”

Rip Paul Walker and Roger Rodas




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